I hesitate to put down on paper
definitive thoughts about an ongoing experience, but in the interest of
exploration, I thought I would take a stab at a sharing what is unfolding in
me. It will not only help me process,
but I invite others to contribute their own thoughts.
We have heard that “Identity is
the Key to Transformation”. I absolutely
believe this, and have been engaged in going after the identity I have as God
has spoken it to me in prophetic words, scriptures and prayer. First and foremost, my identity is a child of
God who is loved unconditionally by my Father.
Secondly, my identity is as a son of God fully endowed with the rights
and privileges as the son of a king and able to act with His authority.
In addition to that, I believe my identity
is more fully realized and able to be applied, as I discover what my calling
and assignments are for my life. It is
in walking out my calling and assignments that I discover the areas of my
greatest joy and fulfillment, as well as my greatest challenges and
stretching. As I have considered my
calling and have begun to execute my assignments, I have discovered areas of
identity that were not fully developed.
This has required me to draw courage and strength, wisdom and fortitude
from the Spirit of God within
I have been encouraging others to keep moving, using real stories from my own life to give a picture of what it looks like as we go together. The inspiration to keep going after what God says about us, engaging in areas of insecurity and putting them under our feet, allows us to get to know God in a greater way. We get to take on board those qualities that will equip us for what is ahead. The experience of expanding horizons, gives more room for God to come and fill those places that are opening up in us. We are filled with more of Him and therefore have more to give others. We become the show and tell of the goodness of God. We actually become a “taste and see” people who whet the appetites of those around us for something of God.
What I did not realize is, there
are hidden doors we know nothing about that only become accessible as we
continue in our journey, proceeding through the doors that are opening. In my case, I stumbled upon a door because
someone issued me an innocent challenge.
I knew the door was there for others, but I never perceived it having
anything to do with me, nor did I want it to.
The door I chose to peek through
was creativity; art, craft or capturing a feeling in the form of a two or three
dimensional object. After completing the
first challenge, which I considered craft, I went on to create another in the
form of a painting. It came out much
better than expected. This caused me
some consternation. While I was
delighted in some ways and even amazed, I also was a bit horrified.
I wanted to shut the door and
never go there again. I did not want to
accept that this type of creativity was part of my identity. I am challenged enough in the areas I am
already aware of. I am already in over
my head. I felt that this optional door
would take time away from what I was really called to. I did not like the
feeling of not knowing anything about this area, or having to explore, or of
being a beginner at something I did not want to do in the first place. It took me two days to work through my
feelings with the Lord. Believe it or
not, I was actually crying and saying, “I don’t want to go there!” Finally though, I realized I had to practice
my own preaching in this area also.
If God wanted me to walk through
the door of creativity and experience the feeling of being totally inadequate, in
an area that I have no interest in developing, I knew my willingness would be
making more room for Him to fill those places and help me know Him in a way I
had never known Him before. That would
enable me to identify with others and have something to give them.
So, here I am a few weeks later,
still at the beginning of a process that will last the rest of my life, but I
want to share some of what has already happened.
1.
It has
totally changed how I see nature. I have
actually received new lenses. I was
never a nature lover. Didn’t mean
anything to me. I am happy to be an
indoor girl. I felt guilty about that, and even prayed about it. If God’s glory is supposed to be reflected in
Nature, I just wasn’t getting it. I
could appreciate a beautiful sunset or notice the gorgeous fall foliage, but
that was it. So, the world around me
was just one great big picture until I undertook this exploration of art. I had only attempted a few watercolors when I
was riding in the car one day. While
looking out the window, everything became a snapshot. I could see colors and shadows. I could see how something could be
painted. I saw shades of colors where
there was only one before. My eyes were clicking
snapshot after snapshot and picture within picture. What had been all one scene
became a moving happening in front of my eyes.
It continued that evening when I had to go to a meeting. There was a glorious sunset like I hadn’t
seen in a long time. It filled the
entire sky. It became animated as the
sun set. I could not get enough of
watching it and noticing the subtleties of the light changing. I think there
were three points when I thought it was going to fade and just go dark as the
sun went behind the hills, but it only became altered in emphasis. Each stage had a unique quality that was
equally brilliant, but could have been breathtaking on its own if it had
happened on three separate days. I
almost went off the road while watching.
2.
The second thing that happened was a magnetic
pull to create something. I now feel it
every day. I have ideas coming all the
time and I have no training, so it is frustrating. I watch art tutorials and try to teach myself
how to do what I am seeing in my mind.
My next project is to try some mixed media having to do with a key
theme. However, art is messy. I like order, so it is a struggle to find the
place of giving in to the pull, and my desire for neatness. Mess makes me feel uneasy.
3.
Lastly for now, someone offered me $100 for a
mixed media picture I created which I call The Eyes of G-d. This has served to give me a direction to
narrow this new pursuit. I have always
admired three pictures that are in this form which were done by a friend. I even paid her to make one for me, so I am
going to try my hand at this art form and put my own fingerprint on it. We will see where we end up.
So, in conclusion, what I am trying to say is…we have NO
IDEA who we were really created to be until we begin the journey of discovering
how God sees us. As I have followed the
breadcrumbs of His hints, I have walked through doors I never thought I would
walk through. Behind these doors are worlds
to explore leading to more opportunities.
There are even invisible doors in these rooms that are beyond anything
we could have hoped for or even desired for ourselves. They only become visible as we progress on
our journey. It is a totally AMAZING adventure
of the self-discovery of the Nature of God He has put within each one of
us. I am really only accessing the
Divine Nature within and releasing it for an experience of the goodness of God
for me and though me. Think of
it…mankind is the only creature that has the ability to co-create with
God. I am overwhelmed with possibility.
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